when love is for the highest bidder

loving those for reaction or gain
loving those under another name
loving those who will treat you well
loving those to keep you from hell
loving those better than everyone else
loving those to impress the unimpressed
loving those to resist looking poor
loving those in all places, til you feet are sore
loving those looked over, covering the bases
loving those of simple hearts, and many faces

you've done it! let's celebrate!
you truely are accomplished
go claim your trophy, yes it all adds up.
your sins have been abolished.
yes, i see your bags are packed
it appears you're ready to go.
but wait, what's this? a letter,
it seems its you that He doesn't know.

poems from the Netherlands

1. on a train to amsterdam:

love, a brotherly love, overwhelms my senses.
takes me to that warmer place, breaking my defenses.
love, a sisterly love, like a rush of home.
shows me incandescent light like ive never known.
love, a fatherly love, on one that i can rely.
for when i turn to Him is when the others have passed me by.
He shows me how i am to love, from what i can decipher.
so deep and vast and absolute, it is in every fiber.

(describes the love between brothers and sisters in Christ and the ultimate love from the Father)

2. on a night with the missionaries: "The Masterpiece"

huddled around a fire and guitar.
as melodies of the soul are shared.
a few months ago us strangers met
and now we're stripped and bare.
my heart made space for these new names
as the trip became real.
and with each testimony God shows me
what I'm meant to feel.
Yet i am afraid to move myself
the seconds turn to years.
the patience endures, no hope for cures,
grasping at lost fears.
for what am i to the I AM?
an imperfect likeness of Him.
with a faith conditional, like my love,
sure not to overflow the rim.
The last few moments before we leave
our prayers fall on open ears.
our desperate hearts play out their notes,
as the taxi nears.
a special evening destined to end
as we say "i love you" on the phone.
but we'll always remember what God showed us
this masterpiece of skin and bone.
when Jesus brought this elegant blueprint
and all the materials supplied.
and most of all the arc of flesh,
in which His Spirit abides.

3. and lastly, on the last night o the trip...
"A Beautiful Reunion"

sound walls and impermiable doors.
beams that brace the sides of the hall.
seperating solids from space it abhors,
they grow paramount, full and tall.
the ceiling's span inhales deep breaths
to maximize its potential for sure.
drawing strength up from the depths
only the best used; homogenous and pure.
patience taken to build the fortress.
prefection is the only thing allowed for absolutes.
no limit for variences in expected guests.
then that booming voice which reigns and mutes.
the day longed for by the lost and found
comes quicker than anticipated.
and heartbreaks and heartfuls surely bound;
a beautiful reunion for us and Him so long awaited.

not much

time reigns over the days' remains.
it'll bring the horizon to its knees,
in the short seconds of its life.
just taking up time to shoot the breeze.
celebrations for endings left to the living.
kings whose crowns are cold in the ground.
and hearts that once loved in its purest form,
have strayed to perversion from which they were bound.

where are you looking?

in a garden sorely missed
we relish memories that we still kiss
and the stains from our unecessary deeds
are for which the Lamb still bleeds
"simple, easy, take it slow"
but our bodies control and we say no
you speak in parables
and show us the terribles
we resolutely cover our ears
from the truths attacking our fears
for the one day you will return
maybe, just maybe, my heart will again burn
and i try to describe the indefineable
with shook up words and rhymeables
but the truth is, i'm looking at eternity
and i see you. can you see me?

you're not driving, why grip the wheel?

translucent lines, my feet do find;
tightrope trips to favor.
for years i've kept a statues balance
and centuries still left to savor.
the spirits and smiles so close to my heart,
keep me falling through the net.
and yet still do i seek to find
dissappointment and regret
forget my words, i lied to you
my voice as recorded as their breaths
the lack of strength to lift up my hand
when i can collapse like the rest.

before the cliffs, there was

standing at the edge of a decision
once made will change my entire life
the cliff seems steep and the waves below
are equally filled with hope and strife.
the ebb and flow like clockwork
their presence stronger than mine
what chance do i have to resist this force
with such elegantly disasterous design
perhaps i'll stay and wait it out
the ocean might give up, right?
i do not know, but i hope for the best;
for things beyond my sight.

speakerbox

i'll sing for you, anything,
but there is one tune that's on my tongue.
my voice may crack, or break altogether,
but i mean every word i've sung.
and as long as i've got air in my lungs
and my heart keeps the beat
i'll belt til you can hear me clear
ringing from the streets.

the run

on the run from reality, without money or sanity
not knowing where we would find our next meal
the flowers were fake, and the ring just a toy
but everything that we needed was real
since then, you've grown a beard and laugh lines
and i never tire of the smile on your face
with all the bruises of life, i take one look in your eyes
and my aches vanish without a trace

3 words

the sun slowly warming up my face
it's only a star, and they were only three words.
but they're bigger than you and me.
how do i word it...
it's so much more than i imagined
i took one step and i'm a million miles away.
i'm falling and flying at the same time
you make me leave myself
i never thought dreams could come true
and they never did.
until i met you.
so much to say, and eternity to say it.
it's almost not enough time to spend with you

(kinda run on... and stream of consciousness) eh?

woe

oh woe is me at last, and now i finally say to you
but with less heartache and far more callousness than is due
for what could put me past my reason and logic, to which i cling?
it's simple, so i'll make it breif, buts it's more than just one thing.
i'll start with the way i say goodnight, like i'm talking to myself.
did you not notice i was ill, underneath my seemingly perfect health?
and also, there's the notes you wrote, built by broken promises.
al though there were times when i could trust you effortlessly, when was the metamorphysis?
and lastly, i know i'm not perfect, but could you cut me some slack?
most of all i hated the fact that i couldn't love you back.

happy new year

the FLOOD

abandon all posts, no shelter is near.
the flood is determined, the water is clear.
what can i make of this natural disaster?
i surely wasn't prepared for this hazaard.
reporters said clear skies for days and days,
but now this endless rain has got me crazed.
i dreamt this could happen; a prophesy.
and together we salvaged, you and me.
board anything that floats, and send us afar.
though landmarks are disolved, i know where we are.
for the key to the map is no surprise.
it takes me to the horizon, looking in your eyes.
the sun after it rains dries all the drowned.
only moments until we're back on the ground.
suspended for days above the cold earth.
more alive than anything that could be birthed.
it's finally arrived, the ending, and it appears we've won,
but your smile reassures me, we've only just begun.




(have i lost my touch?)

dry eyes

rolling down the window, it's a quarter after ten.
been driving since the horizon rose to forget where i began.
trying to raise my thoughts higher than myself,
being humbled by my disgrace in ideas long on the shelf.
my words and works planted deep in the ground,
but since then, have yet to be found.
dry eyes and less calloused hands, the miles i travel for friends
means nothing compared to the distance that's grown in between us in the end.
i exalt myself day to day, to reinforce my pride;
a marriage that's lasted through the years, where the groom ignores the bride.
and on nights like this, when it's dark, i am less visable than before.
it's likely i will ignore your presence at least one time more.
i've flicked off the lights for seconds at a time
and think of how life is missing for the chosen blind.
and with hours gone, nothing and everything has changed.
i'm home, i'm alive and living for You, yet i am estranged.

new for you

words i said.

i've said things i didn't mean
my words turn to dust
and in my lungs the air is stale
my voice shakes of rust.
for footprints and friends i've left behind
my pride, i hug it close
maybe one day my words did exist
a shadow of a ghost.
i wish my words were more like anchors
taking territory in fields of thought
not stumbling though the thickest forests
getting ravenous and lost


cowboy.

sandpaper skin that could cut through steel
his lead shadow weighs half a ton
stance like a mountian, immovable
a stare like a smoking gun
a mass of rock and metal
in the form of a man
a scarred but never broken frame
having only enough life as he can

(too bad you couldnt see the attempt at a cowboy i drew in my notes for this one^^)
hope you enjoy them

i havent had time for organized thoughts

makeup stained her face.
she didn't think she'd come back to this place;
where an open door is an open grave.
not a land of the free or home of the brave.
school was wrong.
the things she learned she never used.
it only lead her to be more confused.
to use her head and not her heart,
like she's done from the start.
she fell apart.
but she rings the doorbell..
regardless of her fears
and under piers
she burries her tears.
they'll be safe there,
unaware.
the man on the other side of the door
has no intentions of hurting her anymore.
he's punished himself, and reconciled,
and put too much hope in a reply.
how can you fix what's missing parts?
"make due with what you have," is a good place to start

til then

your eyes are bright
and full of fear
a hunger, you've been told.
you think the world
is out for blood
to rake you over the coals.
you're innocent
sweet child, be young
because it's never meant to stay
don't put up a wall
catch your breath
before it runs away.

a few pieces i might never be satisfied with

i was in the sky
i had nothing better to do at the time
i saw the fire
that struck the earth
it's where we met
do you remember that night?
i was looking for something i couldn't define
but you took the time
and you said that line
and ever since it's been on my mind

(^i know, it doesnt really follow a scheme, just something i jotted down while waiting for soccer practice to be called on account of bad weather)

The Only Things

My warmest memories are of cold nights
driving home, we hit all those red lights
i could tell you were thinking of asking
but you wanted to wait
then the weeks that passed, i remember best
the only things we knew were the things we could guess
but you waited for me
even though i was late

(...and lastly...)

one season

shovel in hand, turnedup soil at my feet
and the deeper i dig. the further i climb
i've grown much since i started i think
but the more and more i loose time.
i can hardly see in front of me
i wipe the dirt from my face
swiping at mud and gravel
but just putting more in its place
the earth has stolen my watch
ive lost track of the date, and time altogether
plunging deeper and deeper into the earth
yet still hoping for better weather
through heatstrokes, and floods there remains
a hole, a grave, for me to fill
so perfect in its desperate shape
and all accomplished by my own free will.




all different moods, but i tried to make them each sound complete.

rambling

she sits in a diner, completely alone
having conversations with the salt and sugar
as time goes by she notices less
the things that used to bother her
her empty pockets, the holes in her shoes
the weather beating on the windowpane..
for what matters most to a person
whose heart's made out of cellophane
oh the hours spent on the road are many
most driven in depths of self-pity
this journey's lasted many months
next up is Salt Lake City
the lights and sounds do calm her down
the road rocks her to sleep
she looks so peaceful resting there
but the tranquility is only skin-deep
the raging battle she fought to conceal
is bursting at the seems
the only place for her surely to be safe
is the refuge of her dreams
perhaps that's why she likes the night
and such stories i've heard her tell
the visions she has for fantasies of love
she fears are hopeless, some reality parallel
i pray, my dear, you find your prince
he will save you, this part is true
for the numerous obstacles left for you to face
he will help you seem them through
i know this day is coming
very unexpected and very soon
possibly a friend, or someone you trust
maybe the man sitting right in front of you.

for those few hours

its short, but im tryin a new rhyme scheme. (for once, ha)

im stealing time from the clock on the wall
my dear, its getting late
seconds pass as i anticipate
what does a clock need with time after all?
always keeping it to itself
sitting prideful above the shelf
but if i could just borrow but a few more hours
just allow me the chance
to conclude my advance
and i will return to submit to your power
to more days too short
where i mundanely consort
but in those few hours
we'll spend in his pocket of time
this frozen moment remains ours
and you will remain mine
for those few hours

right in front of me

You were there, right in front of me
and i didnt seize the chance
you were there, i was beside myself
and it started with a glance
The fears ive acquired from my past
more than ever, many doubts
but when i feel the slightest of your touches
i forget my whereabouts
The wind has snatched me up with it
and i know not my destination
but yet i lay my complete faith in it
without the simplest hesitation
On the air i can smell the night
its rather intoxicating
the sense stimulates memories of old
so joyful its almost excruciating
No earthquake, nor volcano, nor hurricane, nor blizzard
could distract me right now
the incandescence that shows in my expression
is only a fraction of what i allow
Then the rain pours down on me to wash away
the doubts that tried to surface
and deep within the flame ignites
burning like a furnace
Do you feel it? burrowing out from somewhere
somewhere, deep within
i wasnt quite so sure before but now
i think its ready to begin

when words fail me

suddenly moments go from serene to chaos
im relishing those simple nights listening to the Albatross
do forgive me, if i run out of things to say
but my thoughts never cease to speak, they are relentless that way
forget, yes i forget my surroundings sometimes
but it helps me endure with each step i climb
those beautifully spun tapestries that are your words
leave me in raptures i cannot defer
what do i have left to say that hasn't already been spoken?
i offer you this in exchange: a vow never to be broken
worn and weathered it may become, but it will outlast me
but i promise at your side i will eternally be.