dry eyes

rolling down the window, it's a quarter after ten.
been driving since the horizon rose to forget where i began.
trying to raise my thoughts higher than myself,
being humbled by my disgrace in ideas long on the shelf.
my words and works planted deep in the ground,
but since then, have yet to be found.
dry eyes and less calloused hands, the miles i travel for friends
means nothing compared to the distance that's grown in between us in the end.
i exalt myself day to day, to reinforce my pride;
a marriage that's lasted through the years, where the groom ignores the bride.
and on nights like this, when it's dark, i am less visable than before.
it's likely i will ignore your presence at least one time more.
i've flicked off the lights for seconds at a time
and think of how life is missing for the chosen blind.
and with hours gone, nothing and everything has changed.
i'm home, i'm alive and living for You, yet i am estranged.

new for you

words i said.

i've said things i didn't mean
my words turn to dust
and in my lungs the air is stale
my voice shakes of rust.
for footprints and friends i've left behind
my pride, i hug it close
maybe one day my words did exist
a shadow of a ghost.
i wish my words were more like anchors
taking territory in fields of thought
not stumbling though the thickest forests
getting ravenous and lost


cowboy.

sandpaper skin that could cut through steel
his lead shadow weighs half a ton
stance like a mountian, immovable
a stare like a smoking gun
a mass of rock and metal
in the form of a man
a scarred but never broken frame
having only enough life as he can

(too bad you couldnt see the attempt at a cowboy i drew in my notes for this one^^)
hope you enjoy them

i havent had time for organized thoughts

makeup stained her face.
she didn't think she'd come back to this place;
where an open door is an open grave.
not a land of the free or home of the brave.
school was wrong.
the things she learned she never used.
it only lead her to be more confused.
to use her head and not her heart,
like she's done from the start.
she fell apart.
but she rings the doorbell..
regardless of her fears
and under piers
she burries her tears.
they'll be safe there,
unaware.
the man on the other side of the door
has no intentions of hurting her anymore.
he's punished himself, and reconciled,
and put too much hope in a reply.
how can you fix what's missing parts?
"make due with what you have," is a good place to start

til then

your eyes are bright
and full of fear
a hunger, you've been told.
you think the world
is out for blood
to rake you over the coals.
you're innocent
sweet child, be young
because it's never meant to stay
don't put up a wall
catch your breath
before it runs away.

a few pieces i might never be satisfied with

i was in the sky
i had nothing better to do at the time
i saw the fire
that struck the earth
it's where we met
do you remember that night?
i was looking for something i couldn't define
but you took the time
and you said that line
and ever since it's been on my mind

(^i know, it doesnt really follow a scheme, just something i jotted down while waiting for soccer practice to be called on account of bad weather)

The Only Things

My warmest memories are of cold nights
driving home, we hit all those red lights
i could tell you were thinking of asking
but you wanted to wait
then the weeks that passed, i remember best
the only things we knew were the things we could guess
but you waited for me
even though i was late

(...and lastly...)

one season

shovel in hand, turnedup soil at my feet
and the deeper i dig. the further i climb
i've grown much since i started i think
but the more and more i loose time.
i can hardly see in front of me
i wipe the dirt from my face
swiping at mud and gravel
but just putting more in its place
the earth has stolen my watch
ive lost track of the date, and time altogether
plunging deeper and deeper into the earth
yet still hoping for better weather
through heatstrokes, and floods there remains
a hole, a grave, for me to fill
so perfect in its desperate shape
and all accomplished by my own free will.




all different moods, but i tried to make them each sound complete.

rambling

she sits in a diner, completely alone
having conversations with the salt and sugar
as time goes by she notices less
the things that used to bother her
her empty pockets, the holes in her shoes
the weather beating on the windowpane..
for what matters most to a person
whose heart's made out of cellophane
oh the hours spent on the road are many
most driven in depths of self-pity
this journey's lasted many months
next up is Salt Lake City
the lights and sounds do calm her down
the road rocks her to sleep
she looks so peaceful resting there
but the tranquility is only skin-deep
the raging battle she fought to conceal
is bursting at the seems
the only place for her surely to be safe
is the refuge of her dreams
perhaps that's why she likes the night
and such stories i've heard her tell
the visions she has for fantasies of love
she fears are hopeless, some reality parallel
i pray, my dear, you find your prince
he will save you, this part is true
for the numerous obstacles left for you to face
he will help you seem them through
i know this day is coming
very unexpected and very soon
possibly a friend, or someone you trust
maybe the man sitting right in front of you.

for those few hours

its short, but im tryin a new rhyme scheme. (for once, ha)

im stealing time from the clock on the wall
my dear, its getting late
seconds pass as i anticipate
what does a clock need with time after all?
always keeping it to itself
sitting prideful above the shelf
but if i could just borrow but a few more hours
just allow me the chance
to conclude my advance
and i will return to submit to your power
to more days too short
where i mundanely consort
but in those few hours
we'll spend in his pocket of time
this frozen moment remains ours
and you will remain mine
for those few hours

right in front of me

You were there, right in front of me
and i didnt seize the chance
you were there, i was beside myself
and it started with a glance
The fears ive acquired from my past
more than ever, many doubts
but when i feel the slightest of your touches
i forget my whereabouts
The wind has snatched me up with it
and i know not my destination
but yet i lay my complete faith in it
without the simplest hesitation
On the air i can smell the night
its rather intoxicating
the sense stimulates memories of old
so joyful its almost excruciating
No earthquake, nor volcano, nor hurricane, nor blizzard
could distract me right now
the incandescence that shows in my expression
is only a fraction of what i allow
Then the rain pours down on me to wash away
the doubts that tried to surface
and deep within the flame ignites
burning like a furnace
Do you feel it? burrowing out from somewhere
somewhere, deep within
i wasnt quite so sure before but now
i think its ready to begin

when words fail me

suddenly moments go from serene to chaos
im relishing those simple nights listening to the Albatross
do forgive me, if i run out of things to say
but my thoughts never cease to speak, they are relentless that way
forget, yes i forget my surroundings sometimes
but it helps me endure with each step i climb
those beautifully spun tapestries that are your words
leave me in raptures i cannot defer
what do i have left to say that hasn't already been spoken?
i offer you this in exchange: a vow never to be broken
worn and weathered it may become, but it will outlast me
but i promise at your side i will eternally be.

darling, stay

im afraid im not doing too well
in fact im feeling quite sickly
something unexpected inside of me swells
like the rush when ive stood up too quickly
i dote on it still, the source of sensation
starting in my stomach and navigating through my veins
burning and building, void of destination
wreckless and steadfast, momentum it gains
i call for the doctor who is quick to respond
he evaluates my symptons picking up haste
with concerned eyes he says, "this is further beyond
any before that ive treated of this all-consuming case."
i cannot concieve this, "what is the cure?!"
for my body is usless, i need some relief
into his results he dives, "i cannot be sure,
you're love sick dear..." yet he's stricken with grief
"there is nothing i can do to ease your poor heart
thats been beating so fast these last few hours."
one last handshake and the doctor departs
but he recommends a nap or perhaps a cold shower
now i know my diagnosis, and its sure to persist
and no pills or drink will help settle my nerves
but i do not regret engaging this strong catalyst
because i have a desire to cater to what the heart deserves

two for the price of one

your hands are warm and fit like gloves
your smile full of sheep, your eyes are doves
ive had many dreams of you, for honesty's sake
for i slept but my heart was awake!
hear my words, there is nothing more devout
your name is like perfume poured out
words do not suffice to pay homage to your name
it is a bursting through the dam, or like that mighty flame
but there's no rush, no need for me to quicken what transpires
do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.


you might recognize some of the lines in this one, they are from Song of Songs. one of my fav books to read, i must say.


the veins in my hand are pumping because of you
without you here i would be a statue
the words in my mouth are only there because you exist
and the thoughts behind them cannot be dismissed
the pen in my hand only writes to please you
i needed something to hold these words together and you're the glue.
my heart beats only to songs about you
burns me up with a feeling i couldn't have construed
my eyes adore only because you are a vision to behold
before i could not see, but you have removed my blindfold
my ears hear only because you have music in your words
sweeter than the honey-coated melody of the songbirds


i took a piece i wrote awhile ago and warped it and extended it, and cleaned it up a bit, if i do say so myself.

We Could Be Heroes

this was written watching moulin rouge (my fav movie of all time). and i did have fun writing this one.


MY GIFT IS MY SONG
my hopes are sincere, and this won't take long
back and forth under the shades of the windmill
day and night, it's a rollercoaster thrill
its an enchanting correspondance
void of any doubt or decadence
THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
and with it, no feelings of wrong
im not used to such incantations
or such lovely allegations
captivated by the words you say
no longer humming "one day i'll fly away"
and in the company and comfort of the night
i might be persuaded to put off that red light
under the suspicion of Zeidler, there is truth
but i have so much still to give, in my youth
suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
i know this as truth when i see your face
a courtesan and citar man are an unlikely pair
and some won't understand their level of affair
but the future is uncertain, what if i become ill?
would you tell our story from the typewriter on the sill
and what will that magical citar say?
when the time is right, it speaks "come what may"

one day

i will write a song that has all the right words
and maybe when you hear it, you will return
i can't shake this feeling that i haven't said enough
but i tiptoe in eggshells and this whole subtlety part is rough
im not gonna lie, i do get excited about little things here and there
and other times i daydream, while i twirl my hair
it is silly and convenient, and childish for sure
but for the drug you've hooked me on, im afraid there's no cure
if you could see me right now, and look into my face
not a word would be spoken, just a sweet embrace
all these nights ive imagined if there are things i'll regret
but i can allegiantly say, you i can never forget
and for now, who's to say if my feelings are true
all i know is that it has come down to you.

the things He must break

i lie in bed, my face sopping wet.
remembering all the things i tried to forget.
im out of this coma, resusitated at last
but still not knowing what to think of the time thats past
what was i doing while i was asleep?
i'll get rid of the useless thoughts, but what's left to keep?
it's a shock to the system, this sudden awake
its amazing how God loves the things He must break
the pieces of me, now strewn about on the floor
i'll lie still and helpless, so He can fix me once more.

somewhere, someday

its small, this window
but i stare out of it everyday
so many wonders on the other side
and i pray everything will be okay
my fingers grip the window sill
and hours later in asleep against the pane
don't try to tear me away from here
i wouldnt mind, if one day i do go insane
its a risk im willing to take
ive made myself comfortable, here in the light
but even better, i must confess
are the sights and sounds at night
the symphonies of nightingales
dance around my ears on the air
free from pens that cage them in
with a beauty unrivaled and rare
and the dreams i get, oh the dreams
could fill a library full of books
i tried to steal your heart before
but turned out to be a lousy crook
alas, i sit idle at this window
still dreaming of the days to be
is there still a hope for love that lasts
somewhere, someday, for you and me

oh, the rain

i love it when it rains,
it captivates me,
always more than i expect,
til i almost cant breathe.
it stimulates my senses
but its calming at the same time
i can never capture how i feel
i love playing this game.
the way it taps, like it's trying to say
that its always here for me
and it was so simple, we could be together
if we just choose to be.
dont be afraid of what happens next
come on in, i've been waiting for you
it feels like a dream most of the time
but believe it, this could be true

ohwell, you've got me under your spell

i think we say the most when we don't say anything at all
we speak with our arms and talk with our hands

its a race to embrace
we continually erase
all the worries in our mind
at that moment in time

like being drenched in cold water, im brought back to myself.
to you i will return someday, but for now it's getting late.
dont go. its not that i wnat to be alone.
i just want to make sure this feels like home.

not like a vacation
i've built up anticipation
and now finally
it's really happening

and i dont want to give it all away in one night
maybe you'll see soon, its more than meets the eye.




its about patience. i dont know what else to say really. of course all my poems and songs (ha) mirror the emotions im feeling at the moment. but emotions are just that, fleeting. its unfortunate that patience can be so fleeting as well. when you want to do something right now, becasue you know it would make you happy, and you can hold off for a little bit, but the more you wait, the harder it gets, you know? ahhh, but i need to rely on God. He knows whats best for me anyways.
pray for patience

possibly another song??

i really dont know these days

the smell of smoke,
its wrapped itself around all my clothes
i said i'd leave by midnight, but who knows
i layed my inhibitions by the door.
it's not a lot,
this barely conscious confidence, but its all i got
two hours time and im sure i'll have forgot
how predictable i once was.
with all these drinks,
i cant help but be susceptible to think
any chance i had was poured down the sink
until i heard it, that song you always sing.
on the ride home,
you asked me where we should go
so we just drove down that long road
not knowing what's next, but not wanting to know.
my hands were cold,
and them, you didnt have to hold
but my worn out gloves, they had their holes
and your hands, they seem to fit the mold.

i watched the rain tonight

and i dont know whats got into me. but here goes,
oh, and by the way, i have been listening to a lot of the Format and Saves the Day, so that explains the short, choppy ideas i threw together and called a poem. not to mention i was waching the rain last night and, while writing this, let my imagination slip into an indie, teen romance movie-esque scenario so thats what this is sort of.


i go outside
the sky's flashing tonight
the rain it breaks
the barrier ive made
to push people away
i never thought you'd stay
you take a stand
we go running hand in hand
down this glistening street
until our eyes they meet
hearts pumping loud
its getting harder to fight this now
your hand through your hair
and i cant break this stare

kids these days have a lot to learn
but you've made mistakes, now it's my turn.
making contact, and the rush of blood.
i still marvel in this young love.

it lays down its own tracks instead of following the ones already there

we can talk forever
and so many things go unsaid.
what is it i am trying to say?
if it's not my heart, it's my head.
i can't trust either of them anymore,
but since when do they agree.
or perhaps i am under a spell,
did you conjure a potion for me?
i know the one thing i'd like to say,
but would it be ambitious or out of line?
i believe that i will tell you someday
but for now, until that time,
i will always have my pencil ready
for when i finally get the nerve
to write down what i really mean
and have you hear those words.

"can we take the next hour and talk about me" ( the format)

Well, its been another long day of nothing. the only time i do stuff now is in the evenings when all my "working" friends get off of work, ha. but alas, it gives me time to do stuff like this: i wrote another piece today. im thinking it will be my first big hit when im a rock star. "and it will be a slow jam..."

(WARNING!: if you don't like sappyness, you might want to skip over this.)

i keep tripping
with your hands over my eyes
its a windy day
but you say you have a surprise

i reach my hand out
and feel the bark of the tree
you move your hands
and i see the heart around you and me

i wouldn't want to be
anywhere else but here right now
i said yes
and you promised me a vow

i can honestly say
this is the best of all days
in that long October
of cool breezes and summer rays

(break)
and this feeling
it washes over me
im drowning
but at the bottom of the sea
there is you and me
and i am free
its all i need
its all i need

late at night
sometimes, i ask myself how
i could ever be
this lucky, and as happy as i am now

and you're just
over there sitting in your chair
and i can't help
but let my thoughts wander while i stare

but its so hard
not to be distracted by little things you do
my head hurts
because all my thoughts always turn into you

it leaves me lying
quite awake everynight in my bed
one day you'll hear
the music we danced to in my head


im not gonna lie, its a little corny, but hey, it could be a hit right? this is the result of a day spent idle. days like this are always nice, but i will be glad to get out of the house soon. This weekend im actually thinking of visiting huntsville so that will be nice. call me or let me know if you wanna go..

i'll leave you with one more piece (i cant imagine who reads this junk, but ohwell):

this piece is not sappy so dont worry.

i am filled with everything but what i need
where a tree should be standing i am just a seed
day to day, i wonder why we seem to grow apart
but there's no sense in hiding my emotions at the bottom of my heart

taking steps to retrace another's path
recite these lines and take this bath
i say some words and shed a tear,
but what good is love if it grows from fear?

what am i missing? make me whole again!
where ever you are i will sacrificially ascend
but do i have to leave that which i have grown to love?
i'll trust in the words that come from above.

so. if you havent fallen asleep yet, ha, i hope you have a wonderful day.
and you ask me about anything. im a good listener. and its the least i could do if you took the time to read this. okay, im rambling again, sorry, i do that.

byeeeee

Hokay

so, its wednesday.

i have a video from the MEWITHOUTYOU show i went to on monday night.
Consequentially, it was one of the band's (The snake the cross the crown's) drummer's birthday, so at the end of the song instead of "I do not exist" they sing "Happy birthday Mark"
CRAZY, i know! but thats how they roll, just lovin' on ppl. anyways, im rambling now, so here's the link

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5495908122797368543&hl=en

enjoy!

also, if you are my friend on facebook, and you better be, then i have uploaded a few pictures from the show as well, not very good quality, but i guess its better than nothing, right?

here's a sample:

okay, hope you have a good day!

On a night of little Consequence

...i wrote this on some post-its



and in a means to fix our old ways,
we tend to forget the good in those days;
the things we learned, and that made us laugh.
it may not be what we want, but it's what we have.
i tried to reinvent myself, but what did i change?
not a matter of soul, just some things rearranged.
new hair, new clothes, new jokes, new books
and what am i now but a fish on a hook.
and my life so long-lived in one attitude,
what's one more day locked away in this room?...



Today is turning out to be a fine day. I have no plans whatsoever.